ISA AKONG BABAENG KÄLADKÁRÎN (SPG)

Hi, I decided to write here after reading “NABALIW AKO SA BABAENG KÄLADKÁRÎN”, not to defend the sender or his wife but to share my story, as one of “BABAENG KÄLADKÁRÎN”. I was once a believer of “marriage first before s*x” but my beliefs changed.

Four years ago, I fell in love with someone and I’ve known him for 5 years already. During those years, parang kaming mag-jowa na on-and-off even though we don’t have any official romantic relationships, our relationship is more likely one-sided.

We talked almost 24/7, even if we were busy at work, with friends, and such. He also knows I love him, as I told him that I already fell, but didn’t ask anything in return because I know too well that he only thinks of me as a good friend. And the reason for our on-and-off friendship, it’s because of me. As I kept making him guilty about what I felt, that I’m getting hurt by the things he was doing.

He’s the type of guy whose having s*x with different women (nothing s*xually happened to us, and he never asked me), well, he isn’t that type of guy when I met him, there’s an event in his life happened which made him be that way, and I can’t say here because it’s not mine to tell. I am aware of these, as he always informed me whenever he’s with someone, will meet someone, and just came back home from another women’s place/hotel.

At first, I let him as we were only friends, and doesn’t have any right to stop him as well even if it hurts me. Until I can’t handle the pain anymore and told him about it. I made him choose if it was me or those women he f*ck. He didn’t want to choose, so I did.

We parted ways, but after a few weeks, he came back, and I accepted him as if nothing happened. This kind of cycle went around, and I also kept having family problems too until I suffered from ânxiêty and dêprêssi0n. I overcame it, but it changed me.

I became from a hopeless-romantic-type-of-girl to ‘babaeng käladkárîn’. I started having s*x with different men, yes, I gave my v*rg*nity to a stranger. One of my rules for my s*x life is not to have s*x with friends, people I know, or anyone around me and that includes him.

I’m having s*x to men I know I can easily lose contact with, and my line of work made this easy for me. I travel a lot, so in every city or country I’ve been to, I met guys there and had s*x with them. I don’t regret the things I did, and I don’t blame him or anyone around me, because it is my choice and I am ready for the consequences, even if it means, I’ll be growing old alone.

But it doesn’t also mean that I am encouraging people to become like me. I seriously hope, it’s just me who thinks this way, of not believing in a romantic relationship. I don’t see myself anymore to be in a relationship. That’s why I envy those people that still believe in love, and have someone they can call a ‘life-partner’.

As I travel a lot, I met people that have success stories of love, I always feel genuine happiness for them and at the same time, envious, because I can’t see myself being in that kind of position. I don’t deny that I met people who confessed their feelings to me, and I tried to date them, but the side of me not seeing myself in a romantic relationship always kicks in. Love or relationships isn’t for me anymore.

I physically have s*x with different men, but I mentally have s*x with one man…

To the sender of “NABALIW AKO SA BABAENG KÄLADKÁRÎN”, she had s*x with her ex-boyfriend (doesn’t matter if they courted her or not), which means, she loved them not because she’s a ‘babaeng käladkárîn’.

Kung talagang minahal o mahal mo siya, you’ll accept her and don’t regret anything. She confessed her past to you, even if it took 4 years after your marriage. It takes a lot of courage to confess to people you truly love.

Sana maisip mo ulit yung dahilan kung bakit ka nabaliw sa kanya, and from there, try to make it work again. Pero kung talagang sising-sisi ka pa rin, let her go. Give her a chance to meet someone na totoong tatanggapin at mamahalin siya, at hindi magsisisi na pinili siya, and give yourself a chance na makakilala ng ibang babae na b*rhen pa…

Kaputt, 2017, Economics, *Confidential