TO THE MAN I’VE BEEN SECRETLY IN LOVE FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS,

Year 2019, that year. Grabe. Wasn’t expecting talaga yung gabi na yun, marami talaga mangyayari. Those nights still vivid pa sa memory ko.

Nasa club kami with my friends that time, Tinder was really on the trend (not really sure) pero ganern na nga. Meron akong na-match sa Tinder. Seaman po siya, we never plan to meet or hang out, parang casual lang. We went out with my friends, yung set up sa club kasi parang may lounge then meron sa labas. Sa lounge kasi yung design parang glass yung wall so makikita mo talaga yung sa labas, mga tao normal na gawain basta sa club, sumasayaw or uminom ng alak and etc. So ayun, my friends were actually outside enjoying the night and ako yung tao na umuupo lang sa loob nagpapa-aircon, nagbabantay ng gamit and all. And sa likod ko may mga table and I saw some familiar faces, which one of my close friends din.

Nag-say hi ako sa kanila, malapit sila sa glass wall and which is may table sa labas while talking to my friends, I glanced to the right and saw a very familiar face and that moment I knew that guy was the guy na match ko sa Tinder. And to my surprise, we were actually looking at each other. Sabi ko sa friend,

“Hoy, yung ka-match ko nandito,” sabay kurot sa braso.

And yung kuya niyo tumayo at pumasok sa loob and introduce himself to me… pero yung funny pa kasi he doesn’t remember my name so sabi niya sakin,

“Damselscorpio, right?” which is my old IG username that time.

And sabay sabi yung username niya rin sa IG. Lol. So after nun, bumalik ako sa recent sit ko and same thing then, and after a while bumalik yung Kuya niyo we talked a little and I told him,

“Gusto mo lumabas? Kasi ang ingay eh,” and we went out sa club and continued talking, that time medyo umulan.

Hindi ko na talaga ma-remember kasi medyo tipsy na rin ako kasi ang ininom ng mga friends ko sabay bigay sakin is Cuervo. Low-tollerance po ako sa alcohol that time. So, after a good time of partying ng mga friends ko, they decided to go home na, pero I don’t really want to end that night na hindi ko kinakausap si Guy. So we planned na sumabay ako sa kanya, and I told my friends na hindi na ako sasama sa kanila umuwi pero they told me na if pwede i-drop off sila ni Guy kasi may car ang kuya niyo. So medyo nakakahiya, so ayown um-okay na rin siya. So after that, we drop them off sa mga bahay nila. And the two of us are left behind. Haha!

So we started talking and boom… *ooops k!ssing*. That night, I wasn’t actually feeling the lust. I actually felt something, that made my heart stop talaga. And from that night, I knew I already liked him. Why? He wasn’t even shy or embarrassed to have a conversation with me. Sa club po maraming magaganda at sexy. Pero he took the courage to really talk to me. Which really hindi talaga nagaganap sa mga night out namin, so I really consider na it was indeed the best night for me, na-meet ko siya on the spot without planning it.

So after that, within the year. I moved to another city. I started my new career there. And after a good few months, yes po hindi kami masyado nagcha-chat after that night. Parang civil ganun. So nasa Iloilo na ako that time, we’re friends on Facebook and followed each other on Instagram. So that time medyo hindi ako gumagamit ng Facebook, so when I checked my Messenger, I got a message from the one and only. Nasa same city then siya where I’m working din. So he told me if gusto ko raw makipagkita, syempre I said I miss him eh. Lols. Sa sobrang excited ko hindi ako masyado nakapagbihis. That yung outfit-tan ko parang boyish ganern.

So, he told me If I could pick him up sa hotel and have dinner. And when I saw for the 2nd time, sobrang na-miss ko siya, super we talked and yown. And we had dinner together sa KFC pa yun, lols. So after that, hindi naman kami masyado nakapag-chat. Year 2020, same old thing. Chat duon, minsan chat dito. There are times then na nagvi-videocall kami and all. Sa mga panahon na yun hindi ko talaga akalain na mafo-fall in love ako sa kanya. Kasi tbh, siya yung tipong guy na walang paki sa physical? There are times naman na, nagco-compliment siya sakin like random lang talaga which I really do appreciate. Magme-message siya sakin “ganda”.

Siya yung guy, na sobrang insecure ko sa self ko, he’s always there to motivate me and really there to help me boost my confidence. Pero yung communication namin sa isa’t isa hindi talaga siya usual like the others. I feel like he’s my friend. Yung tipong may sasandalan ka. He is truly one of a kind. After that year, still naguusap kami, like I said. Seaman siya so yung sampa niya sa barko mostly 6 months to 1 year. So 1 year hindi kami nagkikita. Usap-usap lang sa Facebook. After a year, I’m waiting for him to come home.

Finally! 2 days after my birthday. We decided to have a vacation with just the two of us, we went to the beach na kami lang dalawa, that vacation mas nakilala ko pa siya as a person. And syempre, I was the happiest woman alive during that moment! Kilig dito, kilig dyan. And that night when I decided to tell him what I really truly felt towards him. Nakatulog na kasi siya, pero kinukulit ko,

“Oy, gising muna, may sasabihin ako sayo.”

After a few seconds yung takot ko sobraaaaaa. And I said,

“I like you. Like seryoso, I like you,” and after nun yung respond niya sakin.

“Thank you for liking me, pero frankly Ree ha, I can’t really reciprocate.”

And yun, after he told me that… parang si Ariel ako na kinunan ng boses ni Ursula. I swallow a big plump of saliva. And cover my face with a pillow though medyo madilim na sa kwarto. And move my body aside a little further. And he said,

“Oy, ba’t ka tumahimik, Ree?”

Hindi ako nag salita. After nun, I let him sleep again and I stood up from bed and went straight to the bathroom at duon umiyak ng todo. The next day, I tried not to remember anything last night, pero all throughout the ride. Yung isip ko sobrang clouded at blanko na hindi ko maintindihan. Sakit eh. Pero wala talaga ako magagawa if ganun. Hindi ka talaga gusto ng tao. Wag nang pilitin pa. So umuwi kami after the short vacation, he dropped me off sa bahay.

And tonight, nagkita kami ulit and had dinner together. And something happened na hindi ko in-expect at all, caught him chatting with someone else. Yown ang masakit. Pero alam niyo? Sabihin niyo na t@nga ako, pero etong t@nga na to? Kahit papaano, pinasaya niya ang puso ko kahit meron ng hapdi. I love him. Kaya sa babae na gusto niya, make him happy. ☺️

Ree
2018
IDS | Mass Comm
University of Saint La Salle – Bacolod