“Pinakialaman ko ang notebook ng kamag-anak ko at na-shock ako sa nabasa ko…” (SPG)

I am curious kind of person. I always look into things in which somewhat interesting (with or without consent).

I am keen observer, so kung walang consent and I’ve touched it or checked what’s inside, I always put it back the way how it was placed. Kumbaga, bago ko tingnan or galawin is tinatandaan ko kung paano ito nilagay para maibalik ko rin sa dati nitong ayos.


Once, I’ve visited my relative’s house. I was told to occupy the vacant room, tho there were a lot of things inside. There’s a cabinet which was full of notes, book, or some other things in which for them was important.

One day, naging bored ako. So, I tend to open the drawer. Sa isip-isip ko, makatingin nga, ibabalik ko lang. I’ve picked a notebook from there and checked what was written inside. Sa mga naunang pages, there were few notes for a specific subject.


I’ve flipped one page after another, till I’ve reached the middle part. There were drawings of a male cartoon. Maganda ang pagkakaguhit. Patuloy lang ako sa pagbuklat, hanggang sa malapit na sa huling page, there was a note, and it goes like this…

“I am tired. Can I rest? For€v€r? Huhuhu. I am us€l€ss. Pabigat ako. Sa family and even to my groupmates. Seriously, pagod na ako. Can I just DI€?”


The next page shocked me even more. It was a drawing of a girl hang€d from the c€iling, with a caption: “THE KIND OF REST THAT I BADLY NEEDED.”

My heart skipped a beat. Natulala ako, at nangilid ang luha, realizing that those were her drawings and writings before she decided to go.


To everyone, please, whatever the struggles and difficulties you are experiencing right now, please hold on tight. We are all facing hardships and it always comes in different forms, but we can surely find a solution. It will just go by. We can conquer it.

If you are feeling unvalued and S*tan will whisper to you to €nd your lif€, please DON’T. Marami ang nagmamahal sa ‘yo. Mahalaga ka. And you can always do better. Give yourself a chance.


Jam, 2016, *Confidential

*do not copy/paste this content on any platform

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Tala
Tala
5 months ago

Ganyan, ganyan na ganyan ako ngayon pero funny until now hindi pa din ako dead kasi naiisip ko na kasalanan ang mags*icide pero kasi ang hirap din magpatuloy talaga 😭

Million Dreams
Million Dreams
Reply to  Tala
5 months ago

Sending warm hugs for you. Fight lang po! Kapag nahihirapan ka na, pahinga ka lang saglit. Don’t push yourself to do a lot if you feel something wrong or if you feel the tiredness. Hinto ka muna. Breathe. Then laban ulit. Remember, hindi po s*icide ang solusyon. Always think the positive & good side of what you’re currently encounter in your life. And lastly, pray to Him. He is always willing to listen on our rants in life. Just trust Him. Okii? ❤

Economista
Economista
5 months ago

May ganyan din ako sa old notes ko pero wala akong balak before mag s*icide. Siguro ganun din siya before pero once na ma-triggered and ma push na sa limits yung emotion and mental ng isang tao, iniisip na nila na there’s no hope and s*icide na ang tingin nila na iisang solusyon, para makapagpahinga na sa nakakapagod na mundo. Sana malabanan ko /natin ‘tong mga problema at kalungkutan, kasi kahit ako na palagi kong tinitibayan yung sariling ko, napapagod din at gusto ng mamahinga haha. Hope na malagpasan ko/natin ‘to🙏

Unknown
Unknown
5 months ago

In the state of pasuko era rn 😭 nagpapanic attack at natritrigger anxiety ko😭 nanginginig kamay ko at hirap huminga

sge
sge
5 months ago

Maraming nagmamahal? bat di ko ramdam?

Mary
Mary
5 months ago

ganito yung nararamdaman ko ngayon sa sobrang daming problema nagpatong patong na. Thank u for this 🫶

Ashley dump
Ashley dump
5 months ago

𝙉𝘼𝙞𝙞𝙘𝙥 𝙠𝙤 𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙖𝙣 𝙠𝙖𝙨𝙤 𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙤𝙩 𝙖𝙠𝙤 𝙢𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙝𝙝 𝙨𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙜 𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙜

yummy
yummy
5 months ago

I still feel this way. I’ve tried help. But it doesn’t work. I’m still living but like an empty shell…

stella
stella
5 months ago

Ako yung tipo ng tao na sobrang ingay, ang hirap tumahimik kase alam kong maraming maninibago sa akin kaya kapag malungkot ako sinusulat ko nalang, doon ko nilalabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko, yung nga salitang hindi lumalabas sa bibig ko. masakit kase ang dami kong problema pero ayokong maka-perwisyo ng iba. maraming beses ko na ring naisip na gawin yung mga bagay na hindi naman dapat, sobrang lugmok ko na sa dami kong nararamdaman na hindi maganda pero kailangan naka ngiti parin ako kahit nakakapagod na. ang sakit, ang hirap lang talaga.

Lo*
Lo*
5 months ago

haha been there, palagi naman until now. Talagang dumadating sa point na pagod na talaga, na parang kahit anong pahinga kulang. Andami pang problema lalo na financially. Andami kong need i-sacrifice at i-set aside pero lahat yun tiniis ko. Hanggang ngayon, still fighting padin. Nilalabanan ang urge to end and rest at ihabilin nlng ang lahat sa iba. Alam kong mali at kasalanan pero there were times na iiyak nlng talaga because sobrang hirap at sobrang nakaka-drain. Still, padayon! Thank u lord for giving me strength na labanan ang tukso to end everything. Sana maging maayos na ang lahat at umayon na Ang panahon sakin. Nakakapagod na kasi…..hanggang ngayon.

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